I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
