so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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