Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
