Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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