I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
