dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
