Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
