Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i was born a porn star she said
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
