Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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