6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
