You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
