Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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