I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
