i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
