Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
