I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
