i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
