It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
