Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
