He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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