No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
