I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
