just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
