Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
