Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
