this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
