my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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