The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
