It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
