either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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