the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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