if you like me you must not know who I am
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
