You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
