my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
