1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
