Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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