I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
