I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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