OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
