There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
