so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
