true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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