TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
