I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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