Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
