Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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