My liver just broke up with me...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
