She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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