Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
