That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
