Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
