I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
