I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
