I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
