I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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